Pass the Xanax

Posted: March 1, 2014 in Crazy Life of Mine
Tags: , , , , ,

This morning I had a full scale panic attack while at work. To make matters worse I had left my medication at home accidentally. It was not pretty. Heart felt like I was having a heart attack, unable to function, move or think. It was not pretty. This was part two. Part one was last night but only slightly bad. Today was the full blown thing.

My bipolar disorder comes with a hefty dosing of anxiety with it. Yes I’ve had counseling for years. Yes my faith is as strong as ever. When your body goes into almost a PTSD like response about my only option is to take something, breathe, pray and wait. I’ve had enough over the years to know they don’t last forever.

Yes it was worry related. I’ve got so many things going on in and happening to me and my life that frankly it is overwhelming. Once I got the physical symptoms under control I was able to focus on the “why”.

Anxiety over seeing my ex last night and also potentially having to see him and his family tomorrow out me over the edge. After a wise consult with my dad I decided to not attend the event of one of my daughters tomorrow. Not attending was in the girl’s best interest.

I honestly do not know what I would do in this life without my faith in and relationship with, God. The answer would be a life of depression and despair. Sure I struggle with depression even as a believer but if I weren’t I wouldn’t still be alive.

I’m looking forward to Heaven someday when I will no longer struggle against my body.

Until next time,


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