The Time in Between

Posted: March 4, 2014 in Crazy Life of Mine
Tags: , , , ,

I’ve had 42 years so far in this life. I’m not sure if I will have tomorrow, we are not promised tomorrow. This is not morbid contemplation but an intense realization that it is the time in between my birth and death that I have this amazing opportunity to live out my life for Christ.

The chance for God to use my words, my actions and even my inactions to honor Him. Of course I do this imperfectly. I am painfully aware if that fact.

I have hopes and dreams for my own life but they pale in comparison to this intense desire God put in me to BE Him to the hurting and broken world. To reflect His goodness and compassion to others as the moon reflects the intense light of the Sun. I want to reflect the intense light of the Son of God.

God has set me free from my past and He is in the process of revealing His journey for my life. I think He takes pleasures in giving me just a glimpse of who He is that entices me to seek Him more deeply.

I want to know God more than I want to be a parent, a sister, a daughter, employee, a member of my community. Everything else pales in comparison to my desire to know Him more and to show and tell others about how amazing He really is and how complex.

On the outside my life feels like it’s imploding. My job is temporary, I will need to find another. My car is on it’s last leg and there is no money to replace it. My expenses exceed my income which is a daily struggle. On all accounts a person would sum up my parts and say that they don’t make a whole but they’d be wrong.

The human part of me hopes that I will not live the rest of my life alone, battling bipolar disorder which threatens my health in many ways. I married planning to stay that way until we died. It was not to be in this life. The pain of that bore a hole in my soul that is inconsolable even after all this time.

My humanity threatens worry but my faith remains fixed upon Him. In the middle if the chaos, in the middle of the journey, yea the battle even, is this unshakable joy that comes only from a passionate and radical God who grants me this sense if joy in the storm. He never promised that it would be clear sailing but He did promise to take the helm when we give our life to Him.

Tonight I ask God to make this time in between my birth and my death into a life that points others to Him. To enter into relationship with others; to use my heart to help others to do just that. You see, cars break, marriages sometimes crumble, health fades. The one and only constant in my entire life is my God and my relationship with Him. I want others to encounter God as I have; as He’s revealed Himself to me.

Grab on, give up your life and you will gain life.

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono /

  1. sparrowkindalove says:

    This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your heart. Have yourself a great day!


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