The Farse of Co-Parenting

Posted: May 13, 2014 in Crazy Life of Mine
Tags: , , , ,

Tonight I get to practice my faith in action (not like I don’t every other day or try to).  Got a school event which means both me and my ex-spouse will be there with our children.  Always a “fun” situation.  What’s funny is that a long time ago this used to stress me out, now I’m not the one who appears to be miserable.  I mentally prepare ahead of time, take care of  myself, pray and head out.  I smile and am pleasant despite awkward interchanges (if any) and just awkward, well, everything.

Funny, after he filed for divorce I had this vision of co-parenting that so many people, including case workers and judges and others talked about.  What a crock!  You might both parent but there’s isn’t any “co” involved!  I envisioned us meeting at a neutral location to go over important issues facing our children, scheduling issues, etc.  My ex won’t take my calls and will only communicate through email or text message UNLESS it’s related to an emergency.

For our situation, it’s two separate individuals (as it should be – the separate part) parenting on our own, with little or no input from the other as to the big picture of our children.  Definitely not how I had it pictured.  We used to share similar values and we still do on some things but as I’ve gone through this process of divorce and re-building my life I’ve realized we couldn’t be any more different.

It makes me sad to see him because he just looks so miserable all the time, I’ve only seen him smile once or so in the past couple of years.  This used to be the person I was married to and to see him miserable is hard.  I thought today that he is reaping the consequences of his choices, but I’m not his jury nor judge.  The great news is that God’s got my back in that regard.  He will have to stand before God someday and answer for his actions and I take comfort in that.  Does that make me weird?  I’ve let go of my bitterness toward him and have forgiven him in my heart and to my God.

So, the idea of co-parenting.  I think it works for like 1% of divorces but it gets 99% of the media coverage.  It’s this idea that psychologists, therapists and some involved in the legal system have come up with.  It’s simply not true in most cases.  It’s two separate people rearing their children the way he/she deems necessary and appropriate.  End of story.  In my case there is no co-anything.  Not even any co-operation!




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