Wide awake and not loving it: insomnia

Posted: June 26, 2014 in Crazy Life of Mine
Tags: , , ,

Insomnia. The beast has moved back in and I’m ready to scream or just take a nap.

I’ve had insomnia bouts many times over the past years and when it appears it’s like a visit from a debt collector or your worse enemy.

I recently started a new medicine to try to boost the effects of another medicine so I can function better. I am feeling better which is good but I’m unsure of the source of this insomnia.

This med is not supposed to trigger mania but I’m wondering here as I lay here AGAIN in the middle of the night. As with any new meds, I’ve learned to give my body some time to get used to it before the jury decides the verdict.

The time in between just stinks. Knowing the subtle differences between anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and med side effects (not to mention life) is no small feet.

I’m listening to “Be Still and Know” by Steven Curtis chapman on repeat song on my playlist. I’ve now moved to Amy Grant’s “Better Than a Hallelujah”. I know that God is here with me and hurts with me and that comforts me. Without taking in religion speak, the Bible says that the Holy Spirit (God in me) intercedes on my behalf to God. Basically he pleads my case directly to God. Pretty cool really.

Dealing with my life having bipolar disorder is interesting at the very least. Although bipolar disorder doesn’t define me it does impact almost every facet of my physical life. There are days like tonight that I wish that I was “normal” – whatever that is if it even exists!

Having said all this I still choose to be thankful in the midst of this. Lord, help me be thankful.

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