Honest Cries of a Broken Heart

Posted: December 22, 2014 in 70 x 70: Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Tags: , ,

It’s the middle of the night and I’m awake. Been a long time since a painful memory from my failed marriage has kept me up.

Listening to my go to song, “Forgiveness”, by Matthew West on repeat song on my iPhone. Knowing that I need to let it go as holding onto this buried hurt will do nothing but cripple me at this point.

Yet here I am, giving power to a past hurt that serves to do nothing but injure my hurt. Torn between the concepts of hurt and forgiveness yet knowing the second is the only path I can take.

My soul is hurt and it’s hard to even pray but I know the Holy Spirit is making my hurt known to the Father. It’s hard to forgive. I’ve written about this many times, over the years.

Torn between needing to experience the pain that comes from healing and the desire to want to let it go. Like many years ago when I knew that I needed to forgive my ex spouse I prayed for years for the desire to want to forgive him. God worked in my heart that time and since to forgive this one who hurt my heart so.

Wishing hurt away does nothing productive. I’ve learned from experience that it is necessary to truly feel the hurt before I can experience the gratitude to God when He frees me from the hurt. I’ve learned it is allowable to feel the hurt as long as I don’t get stuck in it. Or try to bury the hurt without turning to my Heavenly Father and asking Him to free me.

The concept of forgiveness has nothing to do in my case with reconciliation between the two parties. It is about forgiving someone who has never once asked for forgiveness. It is about laying down the hurt at the throne of God and realizing that God sent His son to die for not only me but for my ex spouse. Knowing that Jesus’ spilled blood was for everyone. None of us deserved for Him take our sins, to take the penalty of our sins. Yet He did. And on the cross He forgave those who put Him to death. What a picture of forgiveness.

Lord, give me the desire to want to forgive this particular hurt tonight. I know that I can only give forgiveness if You change my heart Lord. Change my heart, Lord.

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