A Cease Fire between my Body and Mind

Posted: February 24, 2015 in Crazy Life of Mine
Tags: , , ,

This was the first day in a really, really long time that I am not just wiped out now at the end of the day. It’s weird and wonderful at the same time.

I think my weekend rested my body, mind and soul. I had a lot of time to think about what is going on in my life, in the lives of my children and to pray.

God has put very specific things on my heart to pray for my daughters about. Sometimes I wonder if they know just how much I love being their mom and just being together with them. I hope they never doubt my love or commitment to their well being.

Having bipolar disorder is interesting. Sometimes interesting good and sometimes interesting more harder. Very rarely do I get more than one day that my body and mind are not warring against each other. Once in a blue moon, like tonight, I imagine this is what it must feel like to be normal.

No busy head, no mood swings, my body is just at peace. My mind isn’t noisy. No I don’t hear voices but my mind is just noisy a lot. It’s hard to explain.

A big fat tear just ran down my cheek because I wish that I could feel this normal everyday. And the tear was because it just isn’t so. And then I reminded that this life here on earth is temporary. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I die I’ll go to Heaven. I also am comforted here on earth because I know that the troubles in this life are only temporary.

I’m just on the first part of eternity. This stint here on earth. And someday God will wipe the tears from my eyes and my body will be healed. What joy that will be.

Until then I get to trust Him for my everything. For my children, for my job, health, family and future. But I will sleep well tonight knowing that the God who hung each star in the sky not only knows me but knows me intimately. He knows how many hairs are on my head this very instant.

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