Creaking cracking

And so fall has crept up on me and I realized I haven’t posted in a while! Driving down the road tonight there were the prettiest almost scarlet colored trees in a long row. It was gorgeous!

Tonight I’m really struggling with pain from fibromyalgia. Every time I got up to get a drink today my whole body creaked!!! Literally I feel like every single muscle is in pain. Excruciating pain. Literally my toes all the way to my neck and head hurt.

Trying not to whine is hard. I work hard despite the pain. Many people go on disability because of what I have but I want to work! I want to fight back!

To top that I miss my kids more than words can say. I hope to get back into a routine with them soon, because my heart misses them!

In other news my new sleep study determined I don’t have sleep apnea!!!!! Woot! No more cpap at night!

And so for that I am thankful,

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159 Days Of silence

I realized today that I have not written in 159 days. Let me clue you in.

Back in March I got pneumonia, then a sinus infection and an earache all within a month. My labs showed high white blood count and my doc sent me out to a hematologist/oncologist.  They were concerned I might have leukemia. 

After we ruled that out they thought I might have lymphoma. Nope. Then because my heart was enlarged on an X-ray they had me do an echocardiogram. My heart is fine.

Then they thought maybe lupus. The rheumatologist ruled that out finally this summer but did diagnose me with fibromyalgia.

I thought that was a bunch of bunk until I wound up with it.  There have been days the touch of clothing hurts. I currently sleep under my velvet blanket inside out with the velvet facing me. My down comforter was too heavy!

This summer I walked down halls I had hoped to avoid at a hospital. Saw familiar nurses and doctors. Social workers. My brain broke or that’s what it felt like. I came there very manic and eventually left very mellow. And flat. But maybe flat is good, is normal?

Made a decision to get myself better before having my kiddos but each day feels like an eternity when we are apart. I miss hearing giggles, watching nail polish be applied. I miss watching my eldest child bloom into a glorious flower. Kid has smarts and brains. Both are sweet. 

I’ll try to keep it from being 159 days until I write again.