Posts Tagged ‘peace’

This was the first day in a really, really long time that I am not just wiped out now at the end of the day. It’s weird and wonderful at the same time.

I think my weekend rested my body, mind and soul. I had a lot of time to think about what is going on in my life, in the lives of my children and to pray.

God has put very specific things on my heart to pray for my daughters about. Sometimes I wonder if they know just how much I love being their mom and just being together with them. I hope they never doubt my love or commitment to their well being.

Having bipolar disorder is interesting. Sometimes interesting good and sometimes interesting more harder. Very rarely do I get more than one day that my body and mind are not warring against each other. Once in a blue moon, like tonight, I imagine this is what it must feel like to be normal.

No busy head, no mood swings, my body is just at peace. My mind isn’t noisy. No I don’t hear voices but my mind is just noisy a lot. It’s hard to explain.

A big fat tear just ran down my cheek because I wish that I could feel this normal everyday. And the tear was because it just isn’t so. And then I reminded that this life here on earth is temporary. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I die I’ll go to Heaven. I also am comforted here on earth because I know that the troubles in this life are only temporary.

I’m just on the first part of eternity. This stint here on earth. And someday God will wipe the tears from my eyes and my body will be healed. What joy that will be.

Until then I get to trust Him for my everything. For my children, for my job, health, family and future. But I will sleep well tonight knowing that the God who hung each star in the sky not only knows me but knows me intimately. He knows how many hairs are on my head this very instant.


Unbridled Happiness

Posted: September 23, 2014 in Crazy Life of Mine
Tags: , ,

Full of joy. Complete. Happy.

These words describe me tonight. What a great week this has been. This time last week I was offered a job full time where I’m contracting now. So very thankful for this chance.

I’m happy tonight. Not just a little bit but a whole lot. In the next few months I’m moving to a new place and getting essentially a fresh start. I’m beyond thankful if that’s possible for those who are helping me with this move.

I’m happy that my big furry dog just planted himself beside me and is desperately trying to get my attention away from blogging. I know a lot of people love their dogs. This dog is special.

The day I went to see him to see if I was gonna adopt him I fell in love. It was mutual. Since then he has helped me feel safe, open my heart up to love again and comforts me when I’m anxious or sad.

I’m so thankful tonight to have this full time job starting oct. 1st. Full benefits and insurance. I’ve bee without for so long and it will be good to take care of my health again.

I feel like I’ve had some sort of breakthrough lately. God has been working in my heart and is continuing to change me from the inside out. He’s used my church, my friends and my family in powerful ways.

Tonight I feel free from worry; my anxiety is gone. There remains joy.

Truly God is good.

Contentment. I believe contentment is peace’s cousin. Everyone is looking for peace in their lives and relationships.

Content about who you are. I’m not talking about being content with your appearance. I’m taking about being content in who you are. I never was who my ex spouse said that I was but I believed him. His untruths about me became so ingrained into my self of self that I lost who I was.

I forgot that I am a child of the King (God), made in HIS image. Fearfully and wonderfully made. I forgot who I was but I’ve been on quite a journey to remember. God had used his word (the Bible), Christian song lyrics, family and friends all as a team to remind me of who I really am. Add some counselors and some great pastors to that mix too.

Contentment about what you have. I’m talking material things here. As I write this, I’m covered up warmly by the sleeping bag I bought when I was almost homeless. This week I literally was down to my last dollar the night before payday.

I have a friend who says that I’m a glass half full kind of person which I am bit I wasn’t always like this. I moved out if my home after my ex spouse filed for divorce with a few clothes, little furniture and a baking sheet, spatula, wooden spoon my mom have me and a skillet and a couple plates.

My glass is completely full! God takes amazing care if me and my children. My life is like a bittersweet symphony sometimes but I do trust the conductor to lead me through this journey.

Be thankful for what you do have and you will no longer worry about what you don’t have. Living this way, with this mindset if gratitude will help you as you seek this concept called contentment.