159 Days Of silence

I realized today that I have not written in 159 days. Let me clue you in.

Back in March I got pneumonia, then a sinus infection and an earache all within a month. My labs showed high white blood count and my doc sent me out to a hematologist/oncologist.  They were concerned I might have leukemia. 

After we ruled that out they thought I might have lymphoma. Nope. Then because my heart was enlarged on an X-ray they had me do an echocardiogram. My heart is fine.

Then they thought maybe lupus. The rheumatologist ruled that out finally this summer but did diagnose me with fibromyalgia.

I thought that was a bunch of bunk until I wound up with it.  There have been days the touch of clothing hurts. I currently sleep under my velvet blanket inside out with the velvet facing me. My down comforter was too heavy!

This summer I walked down halls I had hoped to avoid at a hospital. Saw familiar nurses and doctors. Social workers. My brain broke or that’s what it felt like. I came there very manic and eventually left very mellow. And flat. But maybe flat is good, is normal?

Made a decision to get myself better before having my kiddos but each day feels like an eternity when we are apart. I miss hearing giggles, watching nail polish be applied. I miss watching my eldest child bloom into a glorious flower. Kid has smarts and brains. Both are sweet. 

I’ll try to keep it from being 159 days until I write again.